I had worked so hard to get to this point, so why was I filled with dread?
That was the question I asked myself as I waited to see my senior supervisor and finalise my
upcoming teaching placement. The reality was that I was drowning in depression. Each day
felt like a battle just to get out of bed.
I had worked so hard towards my goal of becoming a teacher. For me, it meant security, a
house and my parents’ approval. The problem was that my heart wasn’t in it. Changing direction
would mean letting my parents down. It meant feeling like I had failed as their oldest daughter. I
felt worthless and good for nothing.
Finally, it was my turn.
When I was asked what my goals were for placement, all I could do was sob and admit that I
didn’t have any. It was a bad day. But it was also one of the best worst days of my life. A huge
weight was lifted when my supervisor asked me a question.
“Do you think it is wise for you to do placement?”
I felt lighter, but I was still stuck. I desperately wanted to find my future. I wanted to find my
place to belong. And I was terrified about telling Mum and Dad that I wasn’t planning to do
teaching. Amazingly, the meeting with Mum and Dad went brilliantly. They understood my
change of direction. During, my next meeting with my supervisor, we had to make a decision.
Was I going to continue training to be a teacher, or was I ready to choose another path?
Then my supervisor asked me a question. “Is this what you want?” “No,” I said. I knew I wanted
something different. I just didn't know what that looked like yet.
But what now?
I knew God would take my hand and walk with me. And He didn’t leave me hanging for long. It
started with a coffee date with one of my best friends, where we began looking at YWAM. And
there it was. YWAM Tahlee. Everything looked so inviting. The people seemed welcoming, the
location was stunning, and something stirred in my heart. Almost too good to be true.
Everything about it seemed to speak to the longing in my heart. It looked like a place where I
would belong.
And it was.
YWAM gave me my people. Friends who became family. A place where I was deeply embraced
in the love of God. A community of believers who pushed me out of my comfort zone and
encouraged me to grow. It gave me a purpose for living, a heart for people, and a heart for the
nations.
Looking back, I can see that God was leading me somewhere, I just needed to trust him. I had
spent so much of my life trying to become someone I thought I was supposed to be. But at
YWAM Tahlee, I began to discover who God had created me to be. For the first time, I found a
place where I truly belonged.
Since then, outreach has taken me to Fiji, Ukraine and Poland, giving me opportunities to share
God’s love with people and nations I never imagined I’d visit. But that’s a story for next time…
